Burning - A Monologue

I love my husband, I'm sure of it. I've never really doubted that even during his road trip. What did he call it? He said he was... "Breathing". I think that's what it was. It sounded like that... Anyway, he's back and he's good. Things are good. We only shout at bad drivers and football games now. But the longer I've been with him, there's been this... I don't know, but it's in me that until lately I couldn't quantify, and weirdly I would say I felt this when we first met, but now it has a new meaning. Anyway, so this isn't why I married him, but it helped a lot the way he kissed me. I thought it told me the man he'd be. He'd grab the back of my neck, like this, and he'd pull me in. But it wasn't forced. He just supported me. 'Cause as wonderful as I thought him and as beautiful as I felt standing on the pier next to him, insecurity would make its way in my mind because there was no way I was as wonderful as he thought me or that he felt handsome with me next to him. This would flicker as he kissed me and I hated it. I still hate the feeling. But I'd feel that for only that second until I felt his hand on the back of my neck pulling me in and keeping me there as I stuttered away, because it felt like he wanted me there or like he wanted me to think he wanted me there. That for some reason I made him feel handsome and my doubt would leave. And this doubt came back over and over obviously, but his hand would destroy it everytime. And every time it went away, it made this burning. That's the word, burning. This burning in me I couldn't describe until recently, which is what I meant to tell you earlier. Sorry, I got sidetracked. Anyway, do you have a match? Well, next time you do, put a match to the box. Press it against the wall of it as though you're going to light it. That's it. Don't light the match, just keep pressure on the match against the starter. You'll see what I mean and the burning is far more intense then the flame will be or could make. So, it's no wonder, to me at least, why I said, "Yes," when he proposed during those months we were together. I told him how I loved his kisses on a date a couple years before his "breathing" escape or whatever and that's when he told me he learned that "trick" from "Men's Health Magazine." He said "trick." I know he was trying to be cute and I dropped my cigarette as I laughed for him. It landed on my foot. I haven't worn open toed shoes since then. Huh.

My Apologies

I haven't written many things lately and I apologize. I have quite a bit of stageplays since i spoke last, but they're not here. maybe in the future, but for now.. nope. I'll try and put out a poem in the near future.

A Bedtime Story

Well... There once was a boy: half man, half god. He lived in a cottage in the middle of the woods. His father lived in the caves that twisted within the mountains that edged the forest. His father loved him very much and couldn't bear to have his son never see the sun, so he sent him away into the woods. His father kept the mountain at peace, and he wished for his son to water the grass and feed the deer that lived among him.
Once the boy asked his father, a god, who his mother was, and the god responded, "she was a woman, she was beautiful, and her heart was greater than any god's.. but she died because the price of a great hear is a mortal life." The boy loved his father, so he did as his father asked and sustained the animals and vegetation of the woods. He did this daily, and once, he came across a stone...
It was a girl of stone. The stone was beautiful like he imagined his mother, and it leaned against a tree, as though the tree was protecting her from something. The boy asked the trees who the stone was and they replied, "We never learned her name. But something sad happened to her, so she turned into stone."
"How can I free her?" the boy asked.
"That is a question for the deer."
So, the boy walked through the forest and asked a fawn, for children were the last that knew of ancient magic. "How can I free the stone?"
The fawn stated as a matter of fact, "A demigod such as you can not. You must find a great heart."
"Where may I find a great heart?"
The fawn looked to the mountain. His father knew where to find such a heart. The fawn cautioned him, "But, beware of the answer you may find."
The boy crawled through he caves and found his father waiting. "You are here about the stone, aren't you?"
"Yes, Father. How can I free her?"
"The great heart you seek is within you. You must give it to her... Your mother was a river. A glorious river, and I too wished to free her. I myself was not fully man or fully god, and my father told me what I will tell you. You can free her, but you must give her your only connection to humanity... You will be without blood and eternal, and your heart will be hers. The choice is yours whether she will see you, but she will love you as long as she lives, but think of this... She will be a fraction of your time and you will miss her."
_________________

The ending is only yours to know.

Untitled

On a terrestrial plane, there is a hole the size of man's sins. It reaches as deep as a tax collector's purse, and the arms of Pharisees can not pull it closed. It is only by the grace of Christ and His Father that it's expansion ceased. There is darkness in the hole, but light enters through cracks in the blinds to remind them. Covering the window to the sun are trees. Every lie man told and tells plants a seed and each thought of malice and contempt waters the soil. Life for those within the walls consists of little contemplation and little peace. There are trees and there is stone; rough and ridged stone which serves as a table for their scarce meals, a court for their bitter songs, and a lying place for their bruised heads. Children are the few to climb the trees and reach for the white warmth overhead. Each day, the youth climb one branch higher toward the surface and dream only of the next day where they will step higher still. The men and women call them fools for trying to see for it is written such things as the surface is barren, the self is righteous, and Love is fabled. The elders sigh at the reckless speech they spoke which stretched the trees taller and the written things truer. The elders now stare at the leaves above and wish for the strength to hang on to the branch for which they reach and the life to which they cling. A day comes to most children where they cease to reach. Curiosity turns to comfort and all that is familiar teaches them to be still; ever still and resolved by the sight of the seen.

One girl does not. There was a day where the Men and Women called for her and the children made their way down, but she would not stop going up. She goes up each day and though Hate's reign feeds the trees and they rise because of it, she grasps the next branch, admires the leaves and twisted bark, and pulls herself higher. The sun's beams grow warmer and more clarity comes with the light. She is tired and heavy laden that she is alone, but only the sun will stop her.

She will reach the surface and see the sky with its birds, the seas with its life, and the hills in glorious light. But she will weep; she will weep at the sight of thousands crawling down into the hole that she and her ancestors made. She will stand at the threshold in tears, begging that they do not enter the place. But, they are curious and they will climb down. She will be the old one sitting in a rocking chair looking out the window into the world. She will see a room full of hate and plead that they cease. "You do not need to do this. Will you not trust my judgement?" she will ask.

"No, I must live this life to its fullest and drink of it's pleasures while they still are. I must care for myself, and I will be with them. For it is written, 'The surface is barren, the self is righteous, and Love is fabled.'"

"There Was A Boy..."

The Unadulterated Journey

Happy Ending
Sad Ending

PS

Feel free to... you know... tell me what you think. You don't have to bottle your opinions or emotions up inside. After all, how can I get better with no feedback?